reluctant referee.

That was me at the park a week ago.  It's taken me this long to post because I had to digest all the information and re-analyze everything that actually happened.  Seriously, I had to figure out why my feelings were so freaking intense.

Before I tell the story, let me give you a little background on my mini sensei.  My DD has a speech disorder which most people have never heard of.  It's called Mixed Expressive-Receptive Language Disorder{ which is also referred to as MERLD }.  In laymen terms, it basically means that she has difficulty with verbal expression( Expressive-duh!) and difficulties in her ability to attend to{focus}, comprehend {digest the information} and retain spoken language {talking}( Receptive).  Only 3-5% of children have mixed expressive/receptive speech disorder. My daughter was diagnosed when she was 4 and has steadily improved with speech therapy over the past 4 years.  It's been a tough road for us, but she has been seemingly oblivious to it. Yet, as she get older, her frustration is becoming more apparent.  She often looks defeated by her inability to keep up with the rapid fire pace of  most 8 year old.    Her armour is cracking and my heart is slowly breaking for her.

{Okay, back to the story:}

We went to a new park last week and that's when my referee statues came into play.  My daughter is a defender of the downtrodden and when she saw a little boy being bullied by older boys she decided to come to the little guys aide.  She joked ( I think?) about how they should karate chop the boys, who she later found out were the little boy brothers.  She followed the little one to a slide that was being 'guarded' by the big brothers.  Watching intently, I knew this could end badly, but I didn't want to intervene, at least not yet.  As they approached the slide, I felt my entire body tense.  My instincts were to protect her and leave, but I wanted to see how she would handle herself.  Words were exchanged and in the end the obnoxious boys started loudly chanting, "You have a girlfriend!  Yoouuuuuu have a girlfriend!!! Oh, you're in looovvve!".  Not a big deal unless you're an eight year old little girl :/   She walked away and I could see the embarrassment on her face.  Finally, the boys stopped their annoying chants, and as if on cue, DD turned around and with all the vigor she could muster, she hurled her best insult:

"I'm his not boyfriend!!" 

I cringed a little, not out of embarrassment, but she was so freaking close to telling those jerks off.  I intently watched as she walked across the playground, preoccupied with her own thought.  I saw her softly knocking on her head with her hand and quietly telling herself, "Come on brain, think...think...think!  Come. On. Brain!"  I felt a knot in my throat, my eyes fill with tears and I thought.....'Damn it, I waited too long.'  Now it was time for me to intervene and go home.  I could feel myself becoming angry and I desperately tried to compose myself.  I had a glorious vision of doing a Three Stooges slap across those boys  little mean faces and instantly felt more relaxed.   On the way to the car, I asked my daughter what  those little boys said to her.  She hesitated, searched for the right words and she finally clumsily blurted out,"They called me frog girl?"   Frog girl? really?  Geez!   I guess that's like the B-word for the 9 and under age group. Not as bad as I had thought, but the intent to harm her feelings was very clear.

I look back on that day and I clearly remember her frustrations as she desperately tried to negotiate with her brain. I finally got a glimpse of her inner and daily struggles with a task as simple as talking.  Yes, I was irritated at the boys, but it was her inability to coordinate her brain and speech to 'work' so she could speak properly;  that's what really tore me up.  Ironically, prior to that incident,  I thought she was seemingly oblivious about her MERLD, but on that day it was painfully obvious that she's fully aware of  the seriousness of her speech disorder.

 I still wonder if I should have intervened sooner. Thankfully, I've finally come to terms that my daughter didn't need a protector that day.  She needed me to be their for her, but in a different capacity: Not as protector, but as mommy, the comforter.  I realize now, my DD is a tough cookie.  She wakes up everyday knowing full well that nothing will come easy to her, not even talking.  She knows that she has to work harder in school and in life.  It's a fact and yet she is the most loving, most generous and the happiest little girl I've ever encountered.  She wakes up everyday with a smile on her face and a thirst for life.  Seriously, is there any greater strength?   I don't think so.

To the parents out there,  How did you or do you handle aggressive behavior towards your children?  I would love to hear you opinions on this issue.

This is an amazing video that will give you an ideal of what the expressive part of MERLD looks like. My daughter also has the extra bonus of receptive speech disorder too.....